“Boys Club” & Disability: A Heartfelt Review from Ottawa Fringe Festival
By: Delaney Dunlop
A Powerful Performance
I was moved to tears when I saw the tap dance performance "Boys Club" at the Ottawa Fringe Festival. This powerful show, created by Veronica Simpson, Laura Donaldson, and Elise McGrenera, delved into themes of femininity, the male gaze, and the experiences of womanhood throughout history, all expressed through the art of tap dance.
As someone deeply involved in advocacy for people with disabilities, I couldn't help but draw connections between the show's exploration of womanhood and the oppression faced by the disability community. Key themes of societal pressures, the fight for individuality, and the beauty of collective empowerment were profound. The performance highlighted the triumph of embracing uniqueness and supporting each other over oppressive norms.
A Personal Connection
This show confirmed my commitment to creative expression, advocacy, and authenticity. It combines all of my favorite things: rhythm and sound, movement, expression, and meaning. The show's exploration of power dynamics and personal reflections resonated deeply with me as a woman with a disability. The performance was a poignant message about how women have been perceived and treated throughout history, evoking strong emotions and an overwhelming sense of solidarity, not only as a woman but as a person with a disability who has experienced those things from yet another angle. There are so many pivotal moments in this show. I will mention a few big ones that brought revelations about my lived experience.
Under Constant Observation
The show opens with women performing in perfect unison, with forced smiles and exuberance, representing the pressure to conform under the male gaze. We, as a disabled community, know this story all too well. I learned quickly to conform, to put on a smile and march in line because that is what society wants. It’s difficult to admit, but I spent most of my life trying to “measure up”, trying to be “better” than other people with disabilities, because the closer to “normal” I could be, the more accepted I would feel.
Thankfully, that need to conform did lessen over time, and I became a strong advocate for self-expression and voicing my needs. Many of us have attempted to be leaders, stepping out of our comfort zones and speaking up for our rights and freedoms. Sometimes not only speaking but actively showing up, writing letters, testing solutions, etc. Inevitably, people ignore us or placate us with fake empathy. Most often, someone pushes back with excuses (“it’s not a big deal”, “that’s too expensive”, “you should be grateful for what you have”). Finding the strength to push forward when you are told your needs are not important or too much is exhausting, heartbreaking, and sometimes impossible. This is mirrored throughout the show as each of the women tries to step out of the shadow of societal expectations and demands, only to be ostracized or admonished.
The Pain of Exclusion
In a scene of bullying among the dancers, they try to push each other to conform to certain standards and beliefs. Each woman, fighting for what they believe in, pushes back on the others, causing a complete break in communication and ultimately casting one member out. I think this was the part where I cried the most. The excluded member, Laura, pleads and dances, trying to get the attention of the other dancers, but to no avail. I'm not sure about the rest of you, but I've experienced segregation, bullying, and exclusion throughout my life. It leaves a deep wound. People with disabilities are different, and many people fear what's different.
Despite the inherent desire to express ourselves, the shadow of societal views, oppression, expectations, and ancestral trauma is always screaming in our ears. The “Boy’s Club” demonstrates this concept beautifully. The women move very close together, almost squishing one another, as they twist and turn, trying to escape the shadow of oppression. Suddenly and loudly Margaret Atwood is hear repeating the phrase,
“you are a woman, with a man inside, watching a woman. You are your own voyeur.”
Internalized Expectations
BOOM! That is the sound of my mind being blown. It made me stop and think. It is true. As women, we grew up unknowingly internalizing the expectations, opinions, and realities of men. These are the standards that we, as women, have learned to hold ourselves to. In the same way, people with disabilities grow up internalizing able-bodied views and expectations, and we hold ourselves to those unachievable and unrealistic standards. Even during the show, I found myself disappointed because I can never tap dance the way these women do. I should not consider it a failure; there are other ways I can dance and express myself, but because I can't do it this specific way, it doesn’t feel good enough. The fear of not being good enough, not being able to exist in a world where I feel like I belong, and especially important, never feeling safe, are fears I live with every day. Much like the shadows of fear and oppression felt by women over the years, as expressed in this scene.
No Fear: A Turning Point
The turning point, and one of the most powerful moments, was during an audio-visual segment when Nina Simone says,
"Freedom to me means no fear."
This line struck a chord deep within me. This theme of "no fear" is significant when considering people with disabilities. We continue to face significant challenges and discrimination while living in a world that is physically and metaphorically not made for us. However, just as the performers in "Boys Club" reclaimed their narratives and expressed their truths through dance, people with disabilities are also finding their voices and advocating for their rights and inclusion. The struggle for equality and acceptance is a shared journey, and "Boys Club" beautifully highlighted these parallels through its expressive choreography and powerful storytelling.
Moving Forward Together
Ultimately, the women learn that the only way to move forward is together. Embracing each other's differences while recognizing that each one of us is worthy, and choosing to be our authentic selves in spite of fear must be celebrated. Everyone inherently deserves to take up space. When we do, it gives others the courage to do the same. This has not been the case for people with disabilities in the past, but I am happy to see things improving.
Whimble: A Shift Toward Compassion
Whimble is one example of a cultural shift toward respect, compassion, and honoring the unique experiences and needs of people with disabilities. The on-demand personal care services I have received got me out of a pretty scary jam or two. We have all had that terrifying moment when an attendant doesn’t show up. For me, that means being potentially stuck in or out of bed, in clothes for the night or PJs for the day. I can’t shower or do my hair and I am trapped inside my apartment because I don’t want anyone to see me in such a state. It’s a feeling of absolute powerlessness and a lack of dignity, to say the least. Enter Whimble! Now at least one of my many fears melts away because I know I always have a backup plan. Whimble allows me to feel safe and free knowing that I can be independent, but if shit ever hits the fan (you never know, it could! ), I will have the support of a compassionate, well-trained staff who cares about my quality of life.
Tell me your experience
The heartfelt and emotional journey I experienced while watching "Boys Club" reminded me of the importance of advocacy, the celebration of differences, and the ongoing fight for equality. It also reinforced my commitment to ensuring that everyone, regardless of their abilities, can live without fear and with the freedom to pursue their dreams.
For more information about the show, you can visit the Ottawa Fringe Festival website. Times running out! Catch the performance on June 21, 2024, at 10:30 PM EDT and June 23, 2024, at 6:00 PM EDT. Follow "Boy’s Club" on Instagram @boysclubtdc.
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